Tuesday, October 26, 2010

A BiT of a note ...

Hello to ALL my sweet bloggy friends,
Gosh, it's been awhile, and I've soo missed out on all my visits, and catching up with all of you, I DO try to sneak in and catch a peek, BUT, have truly been missing in action for a bit .. Soo many of you have written, sent emails, phone calls, and comments wondering where oooh where is TeA ?! And, for all that, I APPRECIATE sooo much your concerns .. sweet peas you all are !!

First of all, our son is in highschool football, and that takes up soo much of my time .. it is truly endless, BUT, soo FuN !! And, at this time I need happy !! That is why I shared my sweet lamp, that my sweet hubby surprised me with about a week ago !! I saw this on Amy's blog, and had to run get me a couple .. such a good price, and the PeRfEcT fit for mee .. This, he hung over our bed, and the other is going over my bathtub when we ever get around to re-doing it .. Soo much going on now, that this has to take the backseat for a BiT !! I put these sweet PiNk shades (of course) on it, and when my sweet friend Debbie comes in about a week, she will dress these shades with ribbons, lace, and bling .. I've shared with you, all my lamps by her .. She does such lovely work .. can't wait ..

Now, for the sadness in my life, it has been with a heavy heart, that a loved one of ours, LoRi, our nephews wife, was diagnosed in August with a very rare form of uterine cancer called "Leiomyosarcoma" it masks itself as if it's fibryo cysts, it cannot be detected by xrays, blood tests and the such .. she has been in pain for several months, and FINALLY was okayed to have a hysterectomy about 5 weeks ago, and that is when they found massive tumors, some the size of small basketballs, imagine the shock of the Doctors and surgery team at the time .. unbelievable .. stage 4, and given weeks to live .. So, I have decided to be with her every minute I could possibly be there .. I've always been very close to her, we work together, and play together .. She loves everything I LoVe, and is such an artist and crafter .. We have shared wonderful memories together .. My heart is broken, and yet, it is Lori that is helping to heal me .. I sit with her, and have decided to journal her final days together with her .. It has been life altering .. things that have brought me such JoY, has gone away for the time being .. this is taking everything that is in me .. I have been through soo many different emotions with her .. her body was shutting down, and they gave her two days last week, BuT, she came back rallying, unbelievable, the will to stay here for the moment .. She is soo weak in her physical being, her spirit is amazing .. Lori isn't ready to leave her children yet, and her sweet granddaughter .. soo we sit and talk about life, and plannng her "life" celebration, I wanted noo part of that, cuz I'm not ready to let go of her .. She tells me, that if I LoVe "truly love", I will listen and do everything she wants done .. Only happy she says .. no more tears .. can you believe she is telling me this ?! Soo, we have planned her celebration, I still take her (in the wheel chair) for walks, made her a BiG PiNk fluffy blanket to wrap up in, and have given her a pretty bling cross ring, that we hold onto as we sit .. She knows Jesus is her hope and comfort, and to HIM she will go, just not today she says .. when she phones me each morning she has to tell me, that she has another gift in this day !! Soo, we sit, laugh, and cry some more .. we talk about FuN times, and happy days .. She still can make me crack up, and boy, is her laughter contagious, I think that's one thing I will always have in my heart .. makes me giggle just to think of it ..

I didn't write this to be depressing, or sound down, just wanted to share where my heart and mind are right now .. I have learned more in 6 weeks, than I have the last ten years of my life .. What is truly important is "life itself" and the days we are given to be here with loved ones .. to laugh, cry, and just LoVe everyone we care about .. Noone knows when our last day will be, BUT, to be given this gut wrenching, unexpected news has been life altering to all of us .. I feel that so many days have gone by, and forget, really at times the month it is .. very strange ..

I feel better just sharing with all of you, and please know, I WILL be back soon, just need to take time to grasp all this for myself .. I really want to be with Lori, and our extended family every spare minute I can, I've gone there at 2 in the morning, not being able to sleep myself, and she is sitting there waiting, cuz she knew I might just come .. unbelievable .. Sometimes, we just sit and I hold her tight, other times she holds me tight .. But, I'm there, just there ..

Soo to each of you that prays, please do, and please don't forget about me, I will be back soon .. I'll need happy, and I KNOW where to find that, from each of your sweet hearts ~

I am soo missing all of you BiG HuGs ~Tanza~ xo